Chapter 4: Letter

The following is a letter I sent to my father when he asked me to send him a list of the reason why we had left the church.

Hey Dad,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get this e-mail to you. I'm not very good at this sort of thing (as I'm sure you know :P ) and I'm especially not good at uncomfortable conversations.

Before I get in to any specifics I just wanted to say a few things about my writing this e-mail. First, I wanted to say thank you so much to you and mom for how kind and accepting you have been to us. I know this is really hard for you guys but you have been really great. I appreciate that you haven't tried to confront us or pressure us in any way. You have been wonderful examples of unconditional love. Second, I wasn't exactly sure what your intentions were in asking for this e-mail. I'm hopeful that you simply wish to understand how we have gotten to our current beliefs about Mormonism. I will say though that I hope your intention is not to try and answer all of our concerns or to try and change our minds. We have done extensive research on these topics from both points of view. It took us over a year of exhaustive study and struggle to come to our conclusions. Our decision is made. We always try to keep our minds open to new possibilities but we appreciate the fact that our decisions and beliefs have been respected by those we love, just as we intend to respect all of your beliefs and decisions concerning your lives. I hope you understand that I am not trying to be rude or hurtful. I simply hope to establish healthy boundaries for a respectful and loving relationship with each other. I hope you know how much we love you both. The very last thing we ever wanted to do was to hurt you or to cause you pain, but we must also live according to what we believe is best for our family.

Now as far as your original request: to send you a list of the reasons why we have decided to leave the church. I don't know if this is really possible. Like I said above, it took us over a year of constant and grueling research to reach our conclusions. It would take an entire book (or ten) to list all of the problems we came across that led to our doubts and eventual decision. Really the only way I think I can help you to understand is to give you some of the sources we used so you can read them yourself. Nothing I'm going to send you is anti-Mormon literature, in fact they are almost all written or put out by believing, active Mormons. Also, this list does not constitute the entirety of our research but it is a good general layout of the basic things we came across in our studies.

The first is a youtube video by John Dehlin trying to help active Mormons understand where their friends and family are coming from when they leave the church.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZQJc5SxnVs


The second is a book by Grant Palmer. Palmer was a church historian that concluded that while he liked many of the teachings of Joseph Smith, "the foundational events in church history are too problematic to ignore". He found that much of what Latter Day Saints take for granted as literal history has, over the years, been modified to emphasize certain aspects over others. This, he believes, has resulted in an inaccurate picture of LDS Church history. He was disfellowshipped for publishing his book but he was never excommunicated. Also, neither the Mormon church, it's paid historians, nor apologists dispute the accuracy of his information, only the conclusions he came to.

The third is a book by Todd Compton about the plural wives of Joseph Smith. Both of these books are on their way to your house and should be there within a few days.

The fourth is another video, this one about the book of Abraham. This is the only one not put out by a church member, but it does try to be fair and not biased in either direction.
http://www.bookofabraham.info/

Also, here are links to FAIR and FARMS, the church's apologetic websites:
http://www.fairlds.org/
http://maxwellinstitute.byu.edu/

Here is one last link to the Mormon Apologetics and Discussion Board:
http://www.mormonapologetics.org/forum/11-lds-dialogue-discussion/?s=6860dc4fc4b18d44d69ad2e60aee0d5d
It is a forum where apologists and regular Mormons can go to discuss different aspects of church history and doctrine.



Anyway, thanks again for being patient with me while you waited for this. I hope you know how much we love you and value our relationship with you. You don't need to worry about us. We are extremely happy with the path our lives have taken. I can honestly say I have never been more at peace or more fulfilled. I feel that over the last few years I have become a better mother, a better wife, and a better me. Life still has it's ups and downs but I feel much more confident and sure of myself and my abilities to handle what might come.


I love you guys so much.
Your daughter,

TheMormonAtheist